A few weekends ago, Matt’s dad came to visit us at our house. Matt’s dad saw the box to the Margaritaville Drink Maker that he gave us a few weeks ago and noticed that it was unopened. He asked me why we hadn’t tried it out.
I told him, “Matt wouldn’t let me open it because we’re bringing it to the beach. Matt has a lot of rules.”
This got me thinking about how many rules Matt tries to make me follow. There is no way I had this many rules growing up. I mentioned to Matt that I was going to write a post about all of his rules and he didn’t think I possibly remembered any of them since I never follow them.
P.S. I really do love my husband, but here are the rules of Matt Johnson (my husband) for your entertainment:
- NEVER ever hang your loofah on the shower handle. If you do, Matt has the right to throw your loofah on the shower floor.
- DO NOT leave the dishwasher door open. It does not matter if you think you might need to have it open again in two minutes. Every time you put something in the dishwasher, you must close the door immediately. (Read more about how the dishwasher gets in the way of our marriage here.)
- Properly close all chip, pretzel, cracker, and cereal bags by folding the outside top corners in once and then rolling the bag down so that there is no air in the bag. Then place a clip on the top of the bag.
- ALWAYS take your shoes off before you go upstairs.
*Note: I never listen to this rule. I keep most of my shoes upstairs.
- Wipe your feet when you walk in the door enough so that Matt can tell that you are doing it. Don’t be shy about it. Shuffle your feet back and forth multiple times.
- After using the computer, you must close all programs and browser windows then go to the Start menu and select “Switch User.”
*Note: Sometimes I regret consolidating to one desktop computer because of this rule. Seriously though, we do not have room for two computer desks downstairs. A dining table is much better than a computer desk in my opinion.
- None of Megan’s (that’s me) stuff is allowed on the printer.
*Note: This is a new rule. Apparently, the printer wasn’t working because a wine charm, a Leatherman multi-tool, and a hair rubber band were jammed inside the printer. I’m not entirely sure if all those things inside the printer were really my fault.
- DO NOT pick up Matt’s clothes from the floor. They are there for a reason!
- DO NOT close drawers too fast. (This causes all the contents to shift to the back of the drawer.)
- Make and sleep in the bed non-rudely. (Read all about this here.)
I feel bad for our future children if we ever have any. Also, I’m quite certain I forgot a few (probably 20) rules. There seem to be new rules every week.
As many of you already know, Matt edits 98% of this blog. I did forget a few. Matt was kind enough to list them for me.
- Push your chair in when you get up.
- Squeeze the toothpaste roll from the back.
- DO NOT slam the washer and dryer doors. (I’m pretty sure Matt has never told me this before, but he claims he has. I don’t even think I slam the washer and dryer doors. I really love our washer and dryer.)
- DO NOT slam cabinet doors
- Turn the lights off when you leave a room.
- Turn outside lights on for your husband when he comes home after dark.
- Put a new trash bag in the garbage can like you have a brain.
Matt says all these rules are NOT rules and are actually common courtesy. I apparently lack common courtesy, which really sucks for Matt.