stealing bags of chips, grills, and turkey fryers

grill

This is our not stolen grill.

I’m not apologizing for being “a bad blogger” because I don’t believe in being bad at hobbies; however, I did apologize to the man I wrongfully accused of stealing our grill.

Oops. Yes, that happened.

I basically tried to physically fight my neighbor for dragging his own grill on the sidewalk beside our house. At least he said it was his grill. I’m not totally convinced though. I mean why was he dragging his grill in the middle of the day down the sidewalk? What was he doing with it? I didn’t see any truck in sight, but I was sort of in a panicky nonobservant kind of state. So maybe there was a truck a few blocks away that he was going to use to transport his grill somewhere else.

Still it seems silly that he was dragging it like that, making all kinds of noise, and interrupting me cleaning my bathroom. From the bathroom window, it sure looked like our grill. So obviously, I didn’t check to see if our grill was still in its place on the porch. I couldn’t let that man get away!

I ran outside in my socks and screamed at him to “Get the f*ck off my grill!”

He said (very calmly), “This is my grill. I’m a good neighbor.”

I composed myself (a little). Well just enough to take a look at the front of the grill. Crap, he was not dragging our grill.

To be fair, stuff gets stolen in Baltimore and I’m sure every other city in the world ALL the time. Here is a list of things that has been stolen from me and Matt:

  • Bag of potato chips (from in Matt’s truck complete with a smashed side window)
  • Stack of quarters (from in Matt’s truck and this is not the same time the bag of chips were stolen)
  • Propane tank
  • My bike
  • Matt’s bike ramp
  • Turkey fryer that was 500 million degrees at the time it was stolen
  • Plastic owl that Matt uses to scare away the birds (this actually was returned to us later with the head missing. WTF.)

I always keep my car super clean inside so that there is nothing visible to steal. One time some a-hole forgot that you are not supposed to rob clean cars. That a-hole opened up all of my compartments and took everything out. Then the a-hole just left it like that for me to clean up.

Ohh, then there was another time someone tried to mug Matt and I, but the mugger was unsuccessful. I don’t really know why because the mugger had a gun. That gun must have been fake otherwise Matt and I would probably be dead now. It’s probably not the best idea to push a guy with a gun and ask him “What are you doing?” Seriously muggers, don’t mumble “empty it out” quietly when you are mugging someone. That isn’t easy to understand.  I mean what “it” was the mugger talking about?

Fortunately, Matt grabbed the gun from his head. Except Matt was wearing really thick gloves so his hands slipped away from the gun, which leads me to believe that gun was not loaded or fake, since the mugger let us go. I’m pretty confident that the mugger was already nervous before he started mugging us and we didn’t help his situation at all by not cooperating with his mugging. Also, our mugger was not very smart because I confused him by hiding my purse behind my back. I’m positive that our reaction is not the correct way to handle any kind of mugging situation.

Anyway so don’t blame me for accusing my neighbor for stealing our grill. Blame the chip bag stealer, the 500 million degree turkey fryer thief, the a-holes that break into cars, and the stupid mugger.


Psst … I have a giveaway in the works! Be sure to check back in the next few weeks to enter!

Comments

  1. Hmmm.…maybe the stink bugs aren’t so bad. They’re gross, but at least they don’t take my stuff.

    • the fussy britches says:

      Yeah, I have never seen a stink bug steal anything before, but I would say that they do invade your space. I suppose that’s better than stealing all your stuff though.

  2. Ok but at least you were just being proactive in ensuring your grill wasn’t being stolen!

    Who breaks into a car to steal a bag of potato chips.…

    On that note, search on youtube for “bust the windows out your car for some chicken.” You’re welcome.

    • the fussy britches says:

      Haha, I will be sure not to keep chicken in my car now. Actually I better not keep any food in my car if I don’t want broken windows.

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